Lori Renée Devey
Shanghaied to San Diego

Favorite Things


Our lives have altered dramatically over the past year. From repatriating from China to the States, to the addition of our gorgeous baby girl and the adjustment of Jim’s new job as well as navigating a new city, we have experienced a lot change this year. But, change is good as it prompts us to prioritize the things that are most important to us.

So, in the spirit of the season of “silver-white-winters that melt into springs,” These are a few of our favorite things…

Our favorite Jameson and Giselle!


Gorgeous Giselle Renée


 

Giselle loves:
Her big brother
Laughing at her big brother
Making her big brother laugh
Singing loudly (La La La!)
Talking loudly (she tries to say “ha” or “hi” when I pick her up)
Crying loudly (if she does not get what she wants
Dancing with mommy and daddy
Listening to music
Reading (fuzzy books are the best!)
Snuggling
Being held constantly! (She would NEVER cry if I held her constantly and fed her every two hours)
Bathtime
Jumping in her “Johnny Jumper”
Eating (she wonders why it took me so long to offer her anything but milk)
Smiling
Blowing “kisses”

Giselle hates:
Hearing her big brother cry
Being ignored
Cold water
Cold wind
Watching mommy walk away (why would I ever want to do that anyway?)

Giselle is:
7 months old
15 ½ pounds
Gorgeous
Strong (even as a 5-pound-newborn, she was stronger than most babies)
Working on her two front teeth (and that is not what she wants for Christmas)
Sweeter than Christmas pudding
Grandma Kelley’s twin

Handsome Jameson Ramsay


Jameson loves:
His Daddy, his Mommy and his baby Giselle
Making baby Giselle laugh
His “bigger bigger” house
Bouncing like Tigger
San Diego
The Beach, bathtime, swimming or anything to do with water
Cars, trucks, trains and anything that goes
Cars
Cars (and Cars 2)
Top Gear
Reading books about cars
Cars
Running “presto” like a racecar
Cars
Super cars (he knows the difference between a Lamborghini, a McLaren and a Ferrari)
Dinoco blue
Puzzles
Singing to baby Giselle
Rossini
“Sleigh Ride” and “The Nutcracker Suite”
Swinging
Dancing

Jameson hates:
Waiting
Boys who don’t share their cars
Cold water
Being cold in general
Strangers
Having his photo taken (as it feels like he is being followed by the Chinese paparazzi in China again)

Jameson misses:
His Shanghai house
Lulu
Jodie, Amalie, Maddie, Joefish, Joetar, Josh, Heidi and Owen (he remembers so many people!)
His Shanghai ayi
His Shanghai toys (as we could not take them all)
His Shanghai elevator (this cracks me up because our elevator was so slow it was a bit like being stuck in purgatory, and we were on the 22nd floor!)

Jameson is:
3 ½ years old
35 pounds
Handsome
Daddy’s twin
Helpful
Super silly (but not supercilious)
Precocious
Tenacious
Curious

Sibling Sweetness

 
My favorite people!



Our Fabulous family photos are by Hillary at www.stillsbyhill.com







 

The Deveys love SD




Merry Christmas and we wish you all…

HOPE for the future with grace for the past
JOY in each moment, beyond happiness
PEACE as we long for eternity’s rest
LOVE who came down as the gift of Christmas


We welcome this Christmas season with much gratitude for 2011 and hope for 2012. As most of you know, we spent most of 2010 and half of 2012 living in Shanghai, China. Jim worked as a Structural Materials representative Engineer for the State of California (A.K.A. quality assurance) on the new Oakland Bay Bridge, which like so many other products in this country was “Made In China.”

The decision for me to move to China with Jim was not easy (as Jameson was only 18 months at the time) but ultimately, we wanted our family to live on the same continent so off to Shanghai we went. Jim’s job required him to work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, so we only had an hour a day with daddy plus his one day off per week. We quickly learned to appreciate every moment we had with him and made the most of our time living abroad.

Jameson and I began learning Mandarin as quickly as possible, as we had a non-English-speaking “Ayi” helping out with chores five days a week. We made loads of amazing friends and loved exploring the vast city of Shanghai. For the first six months of our stay, we were required to leave the country every 30 days. Because of our visa limitations we were able to take four trips to Hong Kong and one trip to Korea.

Our friends in Shanghai soon became family. We spent holidays together, celebrated birthdays and shared the ups and downs of daily life in China. Friends like Jodie & Fish, Lenny & Melissa, Carolina & Will and Karen & Jonathan and all of their children made our time in China so amazing that I quite honestly was not ready to leave.

Jim was ready to leave, however. He had been working his tail off for 18 months, therefore when he was offered a job in San Diego he took it. The project was coming to a close in China and he was ready to move. Jim was offered the job when I was 8 months pregnant with Giselle (the bridge was not the only thing “Made In China”!)

During my pregnancy, I experienced some complications and was hospitalized twice. Therefore, I was a little apprehensive to leave right after Giselle’s birth as I was worried about her health. After lots of rest and even more prayers, beautiful Giselle Renée was born on May 20th, in Shanghai at Shanghai United Hospital. My mother came to stay with us for a month to help out and we were so blessed to have her. Five weeks after Giselle’s birth, we moved to San Diego.

Besides being uneasy about moving with a newborn, we were also sad to leave AGIF, our international church. We loved being a part of the core team that started Grace Extended, the Saturday night service. But, by the grace of God we had a healthy baby girl with no complications and I was able to lead worship for two services at Grace Extended before we left Shanghai.

The months of June and July are a complete blur. The 12-hour flight home from Shanghai was actually the easiest part of those two months. Poor Jim and Jameson were sick with hand-food-and-mouth disease for two weeks when we first set foot on American soil. We then set to the task of finding a house to rent, moving out of our home in Pleasant Hill (then putting it on the market), searching for a rental home in San Diego and moving in with a newborn baby and a toddler.

By August, we had finally begun to settle into our new community and by October our house in Pleasant Hill was sold (thanks to Rosie Meddaugh) and we finally finished unpacking (thanks to my parents!)

Since then, we have enjoyed loads of visitors including my parents, Jim’s brothers, Tom and Dave, My sister and her family, my aunt Tricia and my friend Sally. We have embraced our community and found an inspiring new church www.wavechurchsd.com  I am getting involved with the music at Wave Church and am looking forward to singing at the Christmas Eve service on Saturday.

Jameson loves his new life in San Diego, as he has an adoring baby sister, a lovely house, loads of trips to the beach and most importantly, more time with Daddy. Because Jameson began speaking Mandarin so young, he has no English accent. We continue to speak Mandarin at home, but we decided to put him in a Mandarin school one day a week to continue his studies. It won’t be long before he will begin teaching me.

Life is busy and joyful in the Devey household and I suppose you could call our lifestyle a bit more “normal” than it was abroad. But, we have learned to be content in all things. After the amazing blessings we have received over the past two years, I have learned that every time we question our future, God always delivers more than we could ever ask or imagine!

There are so many more tales to tell, and you will find many of them written in my blog below.  I look forward to more tales to come as our journey unfolds!  May your journey over the next year be filled with faith, hope and Love and the greatest of these…. His love

With that said, the Devey’s love San Diego and we love you too!




Gorgeous Girl




I took this photo of our gorgeous girl over 6 weeks ago, but Giselle is even cuter now!

Here is a quick update…

We have a new church that we love called the Wave www.wavechurchsd.com and I had the opportunity to lead worship there last week. It is great to have a church home again as we begin to connect with our community.

Our Thanksgiving weekend was fabulously quiet with just the four of us. Although poor Jameson was ill with a stomach flu (which he generously shared with me) we were still able to do a family photo shoot with Hillary from www.stillsbyhill.com. I will post photos of our session as soon as I see them!

On Sunday we are off to Carolina and Will’s wedding in LA followed by a short trip to Seattle where Jim will see his family for the first time in two years. By the time we get home, we will have just enough time to put up the tree, bake cookies and order my last gifts from Amazon (my favorite store, as it does not require dragging my children through the holiday masses!) 

Oh, and I plan to finally send out Giselle’s baby announcement/change-of-address just weeks before sending out Christmas cards. Better late than never, seems to be my new motto, especially since most every creative thing I do happens late in the evening (A.K.A. midnight, when Giselle is taking her sweet time going to sleep!)

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas, just in case!

Moooo (not boo!)

My computer is dying… my kids ate my camera… I am sleep-deprived!!!
Ok, so I really don’t have a good excuse for not blogging, other than your average, every-day busy-ness!  But, more on that topic later as everyone just wants to see the cow and the pilot!

Here are our gorgeous trick-or-treaters who say "moo"!
 

Actually, Giselle says "Got Milk?" and Jameson says "Got Candy?"
 


Giselle has just informed me that her 20-minute nap is over...
A.K.A "Got Milk?"


It is now 11 PM and everyone is miraculously asleep so here is a quick update...

My mom and Dad helped me unpack our last boxes and organize our garage last week! Yay!  San Diego is beginning to feel like home and that feeling is compounded by the fact that our house in Pleasant Hill is finally sold. Thanks to Rosie Meddaugh and her team, we had multiple offers on our house, in spite of this crazy real-estate market.

Now that the unpacking and house selling is behind us, we can begin to focus on a few creative things in our lives. I have written a few songs and am hoping to find time to record them. Jim and I did a preliminary recording a few months ago, but I was completely distracted by our sweet little one and learned something about myself. I really don’t like to multi-task. Naturally, I multi-task constantly as a mother of two young children. In fact, I feel like I run a multi-tasking marathon every day of my life. But, when it comes to being creative, I really want to focus on one thing.

Jameson began his Mandarin class on Wednesday, so I have some time to run errands and just hang with Giselle. But, Mademoiselle Giselle is not a big sleeper during the day. I cannot guarantee that she will sleep for more than a half-hour at any point during the day right now. So, how much can I really accomplish during that short half-hour in the studio? I am hoping if I just keep writing every day and practice when I can, and be super-efficient when it comes to recording, that I will eventually accomplish my goal.

My question for the day is: Am I the only woman/artist who dislikes multi-tasking? If so, does anyone have advice on how to stay creative with constant distractions? How do I stay focused, when honestly, I cannot focus even when I am asleep? I must learn this skill soon or I am bound to write 200 songs that never make it past my iPad!

Baby G

Both children are sleeping, so I am making this post short and sweet!  Baby Giselle is three months old and has not only doubled her weight, but has quadrupled her cuteness!

I think these photos speak for themselves! 



Giselle is Jameson's xiao mei mei...



...A.K.A. his little sister, and Jameson is Giselle's Ge Ge



But, she is our baby G... women de bao bei


 
Both J and G are still asleep, how did that happen?  No, I did not give them benedryl!  Since they are still sleeping, I will add a little history to the "xiao mei mei" thing!
 
When we first moved to China it took me a few months to figure out why I was always asked how old Jameson was when we were at the park, or anywhere around other children. I quickly learned to tell how old Jameson was, but did not yet know why. In China there is a title given to every person in a child’s life, everyone is family.

An elderly woman is Lai Lai or Grandma
An elderly man is Ye Ye or Grandpa
An older woman is Ayi or aunt
An older man is shushu or uncle
An older girl is jie jie
An older boy is ge ge
A younger girl is mei mei
And a younger boy is di di

Once I figured out why I was being asked Jameson’s age, we learned to participate in the tradition. Jameson learned to address children and adults according to their age and gender. He still calls baby Giselle Xiao mei mei and we like reinforcing that although she is small, she is a part of our family and therefore deserves our love and respect. One day, she will learn to call him ge ge, I’m sure it will happen sooner than I can imagine!




 
 

Birthday Boy - Part II

Please pardon the nearly weeklong interruption in Jameson’s birthday post. As I was saying (or at least I think I was saying, but please pardon my intense case of “Momnesia”!)

Jameson has been asking for a Lightning McQueen cake since I made him a guitar cake for his last birthday. So, in spite of the mountain of boxes in the garage and shabby, but not chic layer of dirt that covered our entire house, I decided to learn how to decorate with fondant. What else could I do?



My mom and I were up 'til midnight finishing the details...
Let's just say it was not easy to cut into something painted and sculpted by hand!



At first sight, he stood up in his chair and squeeled with delight
and has not stopped talking about his McQueen cake since his birthday.



I had some difficulty with the structure of the spoiler...
yes, those are allen wrenches, but they totally worked!
 


But he ate the spoiler anyway, so it didn't matter



enough already with the cake...
I would have never attempted to make this cake
if my parents had not come to help.
Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!


 
Giselle (or as Grandpa calls her "the limpet" as she loves to be held)
put Grandpa to work



I love Giselle's chubby little smile...
she is not 5 pounds anymore!



When we left Shanghai, we promised Jameson four things.
1.  A McQueen cake for his birthday
2.  A big boy bike
3.  A trip to Legoland
4. A house instead of an apartment


 
Jameson has not looked back on the life he left behind, but often talks about Lulu, and Jodie, and Joefish, and Joetar, and Maddie, and Amelie, and Owen.  The people with whom we do life make life beautiful.

We miss our friends, but are enjoying our new life in San Diego.  Yesterday I asked Jameson who his best friend was and he said "I have Mommy friend and Daddy friend".  He is learning that as long as we have our family we can call any place, home!

Birthday Boy - part I

My amazing parents drove down to help us unpack and more importantly help celebrate Jameson’s third birthday. A new bike, Lightning McQueen cake, story-time and tons of snuggles from Grandma and Grandpa were the main events over Jameson’s birthday week.



Jameson has been asking for a bike since his last birthday!



Jameson soaked up loads of Grandpa love!



...and after 6 weeks apart from Grandma,
Giselle needed heaps of Grandma snuggles



Gorgeous girl!



Giselle just woke up...
I will post more photos of Jameson's birthday week
when both children are asleep...
But, that might never happen,
so, I'll just post them whenever I can!

Beach Babies

We have a home! Thanks to Jim’s fabulous house-hunting skills we only looked at two houses before deciding on a place to rent. Our new home is amazing and is twice the size of our house in the Bay Area. On top of that, our landlord is Shanghaianese and our neighbors also speak Mandarin. I also discovered that there is a pre-k school nearby that offers Mandarin courses as well. I am super excited about this, as we would love for Jameson to continue learning Mandarin since he has already learned so much. Finding this house in this location is a huge blessing and is no accident!

It took us over a week to get everyone well enough to consider starting to move in and last Tuesday Jim pulled an all-nighter driving the U-haul from the Bay Area so that we could begin moving in on Wednesday. Needless to say, we are still unpacking and there is no end in sight.

After five days of triple tasking (multi-tasking hardly describes holding one child, caring for the other, unpacking boxes and preparing dinner) we decided to take a trip to the beach on Sunday. Jameson asks to go to the beach every day now, and since we are only 10 miles from the ocean, perhaps Sunday beach trips will become a tradition.

My philanthropic parents are driving down to spend some time helping me unpack, as Jim returns to work tomorrow and there is no end in sight to all the boxes (didn't I just say that?). Thankfully, unpacking is a bit like Christmas. I have never been so excited to have a dishwasher, washer and drier, and rocking chair! Oh, and our house has TWO bathtubs! Now Jameson can take a bath in a real bathtub, although he never complained about the blow-up pool we had for 18 months in Shanghai!

Jameson "swimming" in our Shanghai "Bathtub"
 

Sadly, this is the only photo I have of the four of us...
I love Jameson's sandy hands!



Jameson has his "happy feet" on, as Daddy calls them
 

Our gorgeous little beach baby is almost 2 months old!
 


Jameson is such an amazing big brother.... and helpful too!

Mei Guo

In Chinese, the word for America is "Mei Guo" and it litterally means "Beautiful Country".  The past week has been full of a few surprises, some challenges and lots of blessings in the beautiful US of A.  Repatriating from China is not as easy as I thought it would be, but we are happy to be closer to our family and friends here on the West Coast.

Getting to and from the airport with all of our luggage seemed to be more stressful than the actual 12-hour flight, but we are so greatful that our friend Justin gave us a ride so we did not have to take two taxis to Pudong International. 

I was surprised at how smoothly everything went and was amazed that Giselle slept for the entire flight.  She slept, she ate, then fell back to sleep.  Jim, Jameson and I, however did not sleep.  When we reached LAX, Giselle was ready to play and Jameson, Jim and I were ready to sleep.  By the time we were ready for bed both kids had fevers, so no one slept that night, or the following night, or the night after that as well.

After four days of Jameson experiencing mouth sores, fevers, fussiness and a strange rash, Jim took him to urgent care.  He found out that Jameson has hand, foot and mouth disease and is very contagious.  Luckily, Giselle and I seemed to fight of the virus as Giselle is still nursing and perhaps I was already exposed to the virus as a child.  Unfortunately, JIm caught some symptoms of the virus and did not feel well until this morning.

We have spent 6 nights at the Residence Inn at Carmel Mountain and have only made it to the pool one time.  This was Giselle's first trip to the pool.  She loved being outside, but thought the pool was a little chilly. 



In spite of a nasty virus, Jameson is still loving our beautiful country


 
Our biggest blessing this week is signing a lease on a home in Rancho Penasquitos.  The house is gorgeous, has great acoustics, is in a lovely location and best of all, it has room for lots of guests. Tomorrow we shall move out of the Residence Inn and may not have internet access for a while, but I will post tons of photos as soon as I can.

Jameson calls our new house the "bigger, bigger house" and we are all excited to move in tomorrow.  On Sunday, Jim plans to fly to Oakland and move all of our things out of our house in Pleasant Hill.  Jameson, Giselle and I will be on our own for a few days in the bigger, bigger house.  We will be camping out a bit as we have nothing but clothes to move in at this point, but just having an oven and a bathtub should keep us entertained for hours!





 

Zai Jian

Our move date has moved several times, but as far as we know, we are flying to LA Wednesday (tomorrow) evening. Please pray for traveling mercies and pray for endurance as we travel with a six-week-old baby, a three-year-old, six suitcases, two car seats and a guitar.

Sadly, it is time to say “Zai Jian” to an amazing community of people and an exciting culture. We shall miss so many people but are looking forward to being on the same continent as our family and our American friends.



 
Tomorrow we must say goodbye to our beloved ayi, Jin Mei Li.



 
I have already felt the loss of great friends leaving the country.  But tomorrow I must bid farewell to my dearest friend Jodie. I am not sure how we can do life without the Clark family and AGIF, but I know God has a great plan for us in San Diego.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”


Much Love,
Lori
 
Prose





Poetic Musings
& Lyrics by Lori

"You"

I have dreamed of none apart fromYou.
I have loved no other one but You

Sell me nothing, tell me something real,
Hope in one thing, no one can appeal,

I have dreamed of none apart fromYou.
I have loved no other one but You

What defines you, who has made you real
How much has somebody paid for you?

Say good night,
And say a prayer,
And sing a quiet love song to You

L ~ © 5/8/09

“Worth”

Life is simple, sweet and soporific.
Nights are long, lucid and languid.
Days are hopeful, humble and humorous.

Weeks creap by.
Months sneak on.
Years... since we began to imagine you.

Smiles, giggles, coos spur you on.
Love is lucious
Worth dying for.
Worth living forever more.
L ~ © 9/2/08

“Aria Here”

Last night I lived a dream
A day in your life.
You played the moonbeam,
I lived in your light.
But, you needed one thing-
The melody of my motherly love.

So I will be the aria here,
I'll never let you go, 
Or let you know my fear.
Then you will sing the aria dear.
Then you will let me know, 
To tell me that you're here.
I want you dear.
I want you here. 

L ~ © 1/1/08


“Open”

How may I find a reason, 
To bring another life
Into a world of treason 
And never-ending strife? 

But in this co-creation 
I dare to say we’ll find
Ethereal elation, 
Delighting in a child.

I’ve opened the windows
Closed every door
Inside of reason
There is no one I want more
You’re my desire.

If happiness became me 
And hope was in the soul
Of scientific alchemy, 
Surprised by man-made joy.
But beauty is not rational, 
Though darkness holds the reigns
Of sentimental fossils 
Who hold the earth’s terrain.

I’ve opened the windows
Closed every door
Inside of reason 
There is no one I want more
You’re my desire.

So breathe another breath of life, 
Perhaps it is my choice.
Now I give it back to you, 
The dream of my own voice.

I’ve opened the windows
Closed every door
Inside of reason 
There is no one I want more 
You’re my desire. 

L ~ © 9/29/07


“Glide”

Why don’t you take the time 
To see what’s yours and mine?
The quest for the implausible.
Then settle down inside 
That fragile flower you’ve learned to hide

Say you will remain there.
Say you won’t forget me.
After all you’ve been through
The stars will realign as they glide.
They glide into the light.

Why don’t you choose to run 
With madness through the sun?
To laugh at the impossible.
Then let the answers go 
When questions that you know arise.

Say you will remain there.
Say you won’t regret me.
After all you’ve been through
The stars will realign as they glide.
They glide into the light. 

L ~ © 9/21/07


“Leaves”

My favorite color should be green.
Through frosty winter obstacles
It brings the verdure 
Back into the trees.
As though it never leaves.

What are the colors of the sea?
With ever-changing blue and gray
Reluctantly submitting 
Back to green.
As though it never leaves.

But black and white 
With shades of red You see.
Though black and white
With shades of gray may be
The red You shed 
Was meant to cover all of me.
You will never leave.

What are the colors of the earth?
It’s terra-cotta iron dust
That peaks until the mountains 
Thrust to thee.
As though it never leaves.

But how may I extract Your likeness
Without using dark and brightness?
Chiaroscuro is lost, 
Though You will never leave. 

L ~ © 7/22/07


“Changed”

Lately I’ve been looking for
Something less and nothing more.
Now I see that, 
Now I know I’ve 
Changed, changed, changed.

It started with a mustard seed,
Then I think I forgot to feed it. 
Now I see that,
Now I know I’ve
Changed, changed, changed.

So I plead with tomatoes 
And the flowered plants
“I’ve given you water, 
Won’t you give me a chance?
‘Cause I’ve changed, changed.”

And I look in the mirror, 
But I cannot see.
The child that’s inside 
Looking back at me
‘Cause I’ve changed, changed.

I’ve changed, 
I’ve changed, 
I’ve changed.

Lately I’ve been looking back.
Bending time like a railroad track. 
Now I see that,
Now I know I’ve
Changed, changed, changed. 

It started with a photograph
The ugly duckling can finally laugh. 
Now I see that,
Now I know I’ve
Changed, changed, changed. 

So I look in the mirror, 
But I cannot see.
The child that’s inside 
Looking back at me
‘Cause I’ve changed, changed. 

And I plead with tomatoes 
And the flowered plants
“I’ve given you water, 
Won’t you give me a chance?
‘Cause I’ve changed, changed.”

I’ve changed, 
I’ve changed, 
I’ve changed. 

Lately I’ve been looking for
Something less and nothing more.

L ~ © 6/29/07



"Solace by the Sea" 

I’m astounded,
And astonished
To be surrounded
By the Solace of the Sea

With the infinite horizon,
So redolent of brine.
And the emerald illusions,
In phosphorescent time.

The hush is roaring,
Crashing into peace.
The scent alluring,
Remaining out of reach.

I will go,
Then I will stay
The current summons me away.
Cacophony will fade indeed,
When there’s Solace by the Sea 

L ~ © 6/27/07


"Be Long"

“Take my life now”
How often I have said this to you 
In the press of time.
“Take my will now”
I’m lost until your Kingdom 
Finally will come, 
And it will become

All you’ve said
All that you have promised us
So shaken by the Earth, 
That I must

Keep waiting, keep loving, 
Keep standing, 
Wait for your return. 
You won’t be long.
Keep hearing, keep burning, 
Keep watching, 
Wait for you and learn. 
You won’t be long.

Send your sorrows
To journey, ‘till they travel 
To the end from left and right
Send your blessings
To meet you in that place prepared 
Beyond the reach of time.

All you’ve said
All that you have promised us
The season is at dusk so I must.

Keep waiting, keep loving,
Keep standing,
Wait for your return.
You won’t be long.
Keep hearing, keep burning,
Keep watching,
Wait for you and learn.
You won’t be long. 

Though I don’t belong.
You won’t be long. 
You won’t be Long!

L ~ © 5/15/07


“Where The Wind Blows”


Don’t take your dreams too far
Don’t take your life so seriously
It has led you well so far.

Do take the quiet road
Let it bend your path 
So mysteriously
In the depth of who you are.

Who you are?
When you’re aiming way to far
Beyond the scope 
And beauty of your earthly star, 
Your perspective will be there
If you will learn to dance the air.

It will take you where the wind blows.
Oh, the wind blows.
Let it tell you where the wind blows.
Oh the wind blows.

Don’t take your love too far
Don’t push your heart so furiously
It’s the wellspring of your life.

Do take a risk or two
Let is shape your heart, 
Put your fear at ease
Lose control to win the war 

Win the war?
When you’re aiming way to far
Beyond the scope
And beauty of your earthly star,
Your perspective will be there
If you will learn to dance the air.

Throw your caution 
Where the wind blows
Oh the wind blows.
Let it lead you where the wind blows.

L ~ © 1/31/07




“Refiner’s Touch”

Once:      
was rough, 

Now:       
smooth and pliable. 

Broken :  
doors & barriers of bronze, 

So:          
subtle in their placement

Breaking: 
through the iron bars 

That: 
soon become compliant.

Hidden: 
in a buried chest 

Which: 
darkness seems to own. 

Treasures:  
live and are revealed 

In:
hearts that have been torn.

I have seen this very thing
A miracle to behold.
Experience can always tell
What words can never own.

He calls us here, 
By name, 
Each one.
Hear Him if you may.
Rejection isn’t shame to Him,
But a portal to His reign.

L ~ © 1/29/07
Isaiah 45:2-3


"Stay"

I followed September
On a horse drawn carriage 
Through a quiet town
‘Till I wondered
Why your shiny white armor 
Seemed to luster down.
Then I found a little tenderness 
In the gentle drops of pain
To recognize our differences 
Regardless of the claim.

And I stay, 
Then you stay,
Though I storm, 
You stay.
Then I stir, 
‘Till I steep,
Then I cry 
‘Till I weep.
And you stay 
To breathe the flame.


I followed the lumber
Through a willow winding pass 
On a switch back lane
I would ponder how my glowing bride 
Would never be the same.
Then I found a little gentleness 
In the steady drops of pain
To reconcile our differences 
Regardless of the claim.


And I stay, 
Then you stay,
Though I storm, 
You stay.
Then I stir, 
‘Till I steep,
Then I cry 
‘Till I weep.
And you stay 
To breathe the flame.


Sufficiency is enough for me 
As the snowy blanket falls
And the grace that dares to cover me, 
Destroys my wherewithal.


And I stay, 
Then you stay,
Though I storm, 
You stay
Then I stir, 
‘Till I steep, 
Then I cry 
‘Till I weep
And you stay 
To be the flame. 

L ~  © 12/15/2006




“Closer”

I’m not afraid
I’m not alone
You won’t find me wading 
In that ebb and flow
Of the tide that’s coming round
I will surmise
I will endure, 
If thy will will leave 
Me waiting by the phone
Or waiting by your side.

I’m broken, 
But not shattered
I’m crying, 
Through my laughter
I have waited far to long to
Pass the higher road 
That takes me

Closer to the Father, 
Son
Closer to the spirit 
And the Holy One
Closer to the Father, 
Son 

I am loving, 
I am leaning, 
I am learning to be closer,
I wanna be closer, 
Make me closer, 
I wanna be closer, 

Closer…


I’m not enraged
I’m not alarmed
Though my days 
Are rushing past 
my own control
Through the sand 
we know as time.
I recognize
I sympathize, 
With those who serve 
The relentless hourglass
With a chronograph as God. 

I’m broken,
But not shattered
I’m crying,
Through my laughter
I have waited far to long to
Pass the higher road
That takes me

Closer to the Father,
Son
Closer to the spirit
And the Holy One
Closer to the Father,
Son

I am loving,
I am leaning,
I am learning to be closer,
I wanna be closer,
Make me closer,
I wanna be closer,

Closer…


L ~ © 12/8/06





"Time Telling"


Broken, of pieces in a telling dream

Of time, missing beats of consistent Metronomes.

Time
telling the days of your,

Telling old tales of previous followers

Old
records reiterate successful discipleship

Records reap a harvest of new souls who

Reap
miracles in the most forsaken land.

Miracles bring new life to endless strife, that

Brings
hope to all who near, The

Hope endures through the thick and thin of fanning, a spark

Endures
the warmth of a sure-footed mission, of

The savior, whose custom fit plan measures not what the 

Savior
gives each faithful child, but to

Give safety for danger & Joy for Fear.  As

Safety
permits freedom in the services of He who 

Permits joy, lacking no good thing.  Therefore,

Joy
invites a welcome guest this Christmastide.  Christ

Invites Merry peace into each heart and mind.

Merry Christmatide

L ~ 12/8/06



“Need You, So”

I woke up this morning to dream my life
But, I could not get out of bed.
I waited for your autumn sunrise.
But I could not get out of my head.
No, I could not get out of my head.

I have already forgotten words 
that seemed so painful then.
My memory is put on hold, 
and the records have been lost and sold. 
Now I need you so

But it is harder by the minute to stand alone.
And the longer I am in it, the more I know.
That I need you, I need you so. 
Yes I need you, I need you so.


My days of casting stones are gone
Along with writing in the sand.
They’ve been replaced by this introspection
On what should change in my own to hands.
On what should change in my own to hands.

I have already forgotten words 
that seemed so painful then.
My memory is put on hold, 
and the records have been lost and sold. 
Now I need you so

But it is harder by the minute to stand alone.
And the longer I am in it, the more I know.
That I need you, I need you so. 
Yes I need you, I need you so.

No More selfish little prayers for health, 
success and the rest.
Just loving, through my restless tears, 
abounding in love and patience.
But, I can’t do it alone 
so I can’t prove it on my own. 
Now I need you so.

But it is harder by the minute to stand alone.
And the longer I am in it, the more I know.
That I need you, I need you so. 
Yes I need you, I need you so.

It’s harder by the minute to stand alone. 

L ~ © 10/11/06



“No Less”

I am no better than the rest. 
But I’m not afraid to share my pain.
I have known happiness, in jest. 
But you have taught me how to love the rain.
I’ve seen your grace put assunder 
All fear of life and death.
I’ve felt your love and your wonder 
And I will settle for no less.

I want to be with you, be with you.
I want nothing more or less.
I want to stay with you to honor you.
I will settle for no less.
I bless you, bless you Oh my Lord.
Bless you, bless you Oh lover of my soul.

I was forgiven of iniquity. 
Though I have fallen hard in darker days.
You were forsaken for my emnity. 
Now old things are past and gone away.
I’ve seen your grace put assunder 
All fear of life and death.
I’ve felt your love and your wonder 
and I will settle for no less.

I want to be with you, be with you.
I want nothing more or less.
I want to stay with you to honor you.
I will settle for no less. 
I bless you, bless you Oh my Lord.
Bless you, bless you Oh lover of my soul. 

L ~ © 9/1/06 


"Master Minded"

Master Minded prodigy dissipates
In early autumn snow.
If left without development
& tragedy to know.

Polishing the treacherous edge
Of talent vert
Requires equality & treachery
In all her genius heir.

Breaking down,
Strength must equal strength,
Plus one.
Then smooth it further through.
With laughter to lay it on
In the sun--with certain reflection.
In it's non-absorption.

This master-minded treachery
Surpasses ambiguity...
The master of the mind becomes
The servant of simplicity.

L ~ © 8/29/06



“Open Door”

Up until now, you had a lot of nothing.
You just can’t say how,
But you ran out of something.
And you call this your freedom, 
Your reason to live.
But, for more than a season, 
You’ve been longing to leave.

And the sign says “We’re Open” 
So you walk inside
And you grasp onto something 
That will keep you alive.
And you pray from the other side,
Looking back to the ocean 
That has kept you from this door.
And you ask yourself once more,
How long? 
How long? 
How long has this been open for?

Just passing through every other Sunday.
Paying my dues for a chance at Someday.
And you call this your freedom, 
Your reason to live.
But, for more than a season,
You’ve been longing to leave. 

And the sign says “We’re Open”
So you walk inside
And you grasp onto something
That will keep you alive.
And you pray from the other side,
Looking back to the ocean
That has kept you from this door.
And you ask yourself once more,
How long?
How long?
How long has this been open for? 

L ~ © 8/6/06



“Sleepless Smile”

Time is gauged but never captured
In the lacey fog of distance.
Shadows fade into the future 
Laughing at our vain resistance.

Every breath will to turn to vapor
Then ask the air to dance along.
Countless sighs enchant the whisper
With the harmonies of sacred song.

Hold him close,
Your perfect treasure.
Tiny toes,
Inspire the wonder.

The wonder of His love.
The mystery of time.
The beauty of the one.
Creator of the life.

The life that beams inside the eyes.
The eyes of a mother 
And her new-born child.
The author of the sleepless smile. 

L ~ © 6/3/06



“Artisan”

Father of Lights,
Great physician
Author of Life,
King of Heaven.

We know that you are the only One
Father, Spirit and precious Son.

The Majesty of Heaven
Was molded by the potter’s hand.
My God is an artisan.
We’re the work of the Potter’s hand,
and our God is an artisan.

Pieces of me
Are echoes of you.
Shaped and refined,
Then glazed with the truth.

We know that you are the only One
Father, Spirit and precious Son.

The Majesty of Heaven
Was molded by the potter’s hand.
My God is an artisan.
We’re the work of the Potter’s hand,
and our God is an artisan.

L ~ © 6/1/06 



"Ever More"

Find rest, O my soul,
In the shelter of the most high King.
Find comfort, O my heart,
In the safety of your gentle wing.
Find peace, O my mind,
In the stillness of your quiet place.
Find joy, O my strength,
In the foundry of your loves refining fire.

Keep seeking
Ever more.
Keep knocking
On the prayerful door.
Ever hopeful,
Ever faithful,
Ever loving,
Ever joyful,
Ever More.

L ~ © 5/11/06 



"Beautiful to Me"

If I could bless you here,
With humble offerings of my tears.
Though I’m naked and I’m poor beyond belief,
I will wait on you my dear.

You’re beautiful to me.
Your face is all I see.
& Yet I stand in awe,
In the presence of my Matchless King.
You’re beautiful to me.

Now I look into your light.
I take a glimpse of what’s inside.
The heavens declare just a ray of how your luminary light,
Shows the beauty of your face.

I will wait on you.
I will wait for you.
I will wait on you.
I will wait for you, on you, for you are…

You’re beautiful to me.
Your face is all I see.
& Yet I stand in awe,
In the presence of my Matchless King.
You’re beautiful to me.

I love you endlessly…
Father you’re beautiful to me.
Endlessly, beautiful to me.

© 5/1/06 ~ L 



“Return to Life”

O little ocean, you say you were a pond.
A sweet lagoon where lovers write their song.
But then you grew, into a raging sea of animosity.

O Rio Grande, you say you were a stream
A careless brook where lovers laugh and dream.
But, then you grew into a rushing river of your velocity.

You’re longing for the day, when we will learn.
You’re waiting so that we’ll return to Life.

O noble fir, you say you were a seed.
A tiny sprout that children learned to feed.
But, then you grew into a mighty arbor or anonymity.

O regal rose, you say you were a bud.
Tomorrow’s hope to those who vow their love.
But then you grew into a climbing vine of thorny vanity.

Você longing para o dia, quando nós aprenderemos.
Você está esperando de modo que nós retornemos à vida.

L ~ © 4/31/06 



"Rented Days"

Every thought
Each faculty
All movement is borrowed time.
Every feeling
Each solution
All drops of passion--'twas never mine.

Asking for just two-pence more
Adding to your endless fortune.
Leased endeavors reach the shore
with plundered sails in motion.

Countless breaths &
Endless days
Striving to extol your praise.
Helpless dreams
Create the thieves
To whom we sell our rented days.

The thought was never mine.

L ~ © 4/27/06 



"Pillared Fantasy"

Dusty shelves explain the notion
In busy lives of artistry.
Cobwebbed corners stand in place of
White-washed-pillared-fantasy.

Are we here yet?
Or are we there?
Too soon to tell the tale.
Softly I will slip inside
This garb of Man's success.
Quickly I will dash outside
to see my soul's duress.

Dusty books who cannot boast
of recent days perusal.
Cobwebbed tools contain the past
for which I aptly chose them.

Priorities are tossed about
Into a layered dish
Of candied nuts and glacé fruit,
whatever you should wish.

But, dusty shelves proclaim the motion
Of busy lives through artistry.
Though Cobwebbed corners stand in place of
White-washed-pillared-fantasy.

L ~ © 4/24/06



“Faithful”

I’m too tired, too cold to be left alone.
So this is love. Mmm
I’m too old and to afraid to be left without a song.
So this is time.

Lost in a dream inside my head.
Feeling lonely instead.
Suited for splendor, nothing less.
Beyond the whisper of a guess.

Somehow the shadow of who I can be.
Resounds in vapors that wash over me.
The highest of heights revealing your majesty.
‘Cause you’re faithful, So faithful.

It’s so far, so deep when you fall inside.
So this is hope. Mmm
Finding solace in the flaire, when the moon and stars colide.
So this is peace.

Not just a figment of reality
Nothing can separate your love from me.

I’ve been running for my life, for some time and a day.
Now, returning back again to magnify your grace.
I’m faithful, So faithful.
When I know I have nothing to loose, I lose myself in you.

L ~ © 3/28/06 



"Won Too"

One is far too few,
Won by true default.
Wonder will ensue
One-hit-blunders of the vault.

Too much to anticipate.
Too far left behind
To safely navigate
Two avenues unite.

Three is more than company
Trios don't subside
Three-dimension subterfuge,
Trinity holds the light.

For why should we calibrate
Fortresses of yore?
Forcibly eradicate,
Four beats in our folklore.

L ~ © 4/17/06



"Redefined"

Fear of loss
Filters through
The crevasse of the floor.
The attic proves
To be your place to hide.
Searching,
Seeking,
Farther still
Into a chest of hope.

It is here
You will find it,
Clutched in
Restless hands.
Ringing into
Water vapor,
Escaping grasps
Of time.

It is here,
Your hope.
My Savior's tear
With failure redefined.

L ~ © 3/22/06



"Desiderio Domini" 

I'm numb to thirst
numb to hunger
searching for Your signs
and wonders.

withdrawn
from life I navigate.
blind to what is said.
I long to sit and celebrate
in the Glory of my Lord.

Desiderio Domini
Desperate longing for my Maker.
Desiderio Domini
this too shall pass,
be over.

why feel discouragement
allowing truth to fall?
why so heavy laden?
His yoke is easy
His burden is small.

Desiderio Domini
Desperate weeping for my Savior.
Desiderio Domini
this too shall pass
be over.

L ~ © 2/13/06




"Above the Fall"

Take comfort in my strength,
Ignoring all temptation.
Take solace in my arms,
Your final destination.

The circumstantial evidence
Corraborates with mine.
To calibrate the innocense
In the purity of mind.

I am here beside you
Shedding tears along with you.
I offer you a better way
That's written in the call.
I give you strength with one request,
I ask that you will rise above the fall.

Rise up
Buttressed by the word of life,
The rejected cornerstone.
Stand tall,
Set apart as Holy unto the Lord.
I ask that you will rise above the fall.

L ~ © 2/9/06



"Spoken"

Speak to me,
My heart is open,
My mouth is closed.
Clarity
Is not a token for the road.

I need your word
to filter all the noise.
I need you.
I want your light
to echo
through the choice.
I want you.

I speak too much
But I say too little.
I ramble on
In my psychobabble.

Speak to me
Like wind,
Like fire.
Not my will
But yours be done.
Speak beyond
My own desire.
Take this cup
That is overun.

Speak to me.
I listen patiently. 

L ~ © 2/3/06






























 

© 2006 Lori Renée, Pleasant Hill, CA. All Rights Reserved.